...Counting on Humour -Venture Capitalist Statements to Entrepreneurs

(What They Say vs. What They Mean)

1. Submit your Business Plan. We'll look at it. (Our recycling profits are up 18% this year)
2. We'll get back to you. (We'll give it to our intern if he doesn't have anything else to do)
3. We think your company is overvalued. (In fact it's undervalued, but we'd never tell you that)
4. We'll need to make some small changes to your Business Plan. (Starting with your participation)
5. 51% is just a formality. You'll still have complete control. (I'm putting my nephew in as President)
6. We don't expect our people to burn out. You can have a life. (We'll put a cot in your office)
7. We never hesitate to fund a good idea. (And yours ain't it)
8. Don't worry about that soft quarter. We're still solidly behind you. (The executive search team is already looking for your replacement)
9. Your founder shares are guaranteed to vest. (Immediately after revocation)
10. We won't interfere with your IPO. (What IPO?)
11. Just think of us a passive partner. (We'll be sending you our required vendors list.)
12. We're very interested in your idea. (You're buying lunch.)